At the age of 34, I had driven myself almost into a total collapse. Without having trusting ears to my heart’s calling and a clear definition of a life nourishing purpose, I had brought myself to the verge of death whilst trying to respond to the expectations of an overly demanding growth culture. This was the result of systematic suppression of my feelings and values, over a period of more than 10 years, during which my spirit, mind and body underwent tremendous suffering. I had also taken on various mental and physical diseases during that time but most importantly, I had lost joy in life.
On April 4, 2006 I collapsed in my Istanbul apartment, an hour after a deep clash of values and unkept promises in the workplace. A lonely visit to intensive care the next morning revealed a picture that, for the first time in my life, confronted me with the hardest choice I could have ever imagined. It was about deciding whether to continue an emotionally unfulfilling but financially promising career that could potentially become detrimental to my health. The alternative was deciding for a truthful new life based on my own values rooted in purpose and meaning. The answer was clear. This was a loud call for action for me to get up, dust myself off and get to work. I had a life to claim by conscious intention and action.
I had a life to live and give beyond my own needs.